what i want.

so over the last four and a half years, since i moved to taiwan,  i came to realize that theres no "what i want" in my life anymore. it's always helping everyone else, but being lost when it comes to "me". i have friends that are just there whenever they need me to deal with their stupid shit. and when i tell them that i need them, they're definitely not there. except for a few close friends i have.

and "what i want" is always different from what everyone else wants. which is why its quite rare for me to get what i want, but im kinda used to it. its a bit saddening, really.

i don't even know what i want anymore. i wish i was given a choice.