we're smiling but we're close to tears

first of all, let me just clarify that this blog is not written for anyone. it's for myself. this, this only, is the place I can write whatever I want and people won't judge me by what I write. because this is, again, for myself.

so. these couple of weeks have been pretty rough for me. literally.

on top of having to study for my first mid terms ever, I also had to clean up my room and whatnot for the exchange student that’s coming tomorrow. I also found out things that I was better off not knowing, and I had to witness things that I was better off not seeing in person.

so last Tuesday was the whole soccer thing. and im waaaay over that now, but I did drag that on until this monday, and the amount of stress it brought me throughout that week was just… too much. 

then Friday was the TOEFL test and that was just too tiring. 'cause it was really long and the hearing was fucking retarded and whatnot.

and then I spent the entire weekend studying for exams that I didn't really want to study for.

Monday was a normal school day. and nothing good happened but I was still unstable.

Tuesday, ethics exam. 'nuff said.

Wednesday, math & japanese. math wasn’t so bad. no comment on japanese though.

Thursday, science & economy. eh.

then off to AlPlaza + Karaoke with yui, mizuki & sakura. and I had fun :)

and then no test today. and I thought everything was fine 'cause I let it all out the day before and I went swimming and I was feeling good in the morning from IT'S HOW! but then someone told me something that I could've lived without knowing, and then all the stress that's been building up inside of me came crumbling down and I started crying in the hallway and then I got this weird stare from people that I saw afterwards and whatnot.

but starting tomorrow, im gonna have this exchange student at my house for 2 weeks. and she seems pretty chilled so im hoping for some relaxation time while she's here, going shopping + movie marathon hopefully :)

on a separate note:

I apologize to anyone who's read my blog and thought I had written about them. maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I don't know which posts you're referring to so I can't say for sure.  but I am truly sorry if what I'd written had made you feel bad. there is one person in particular that I need to apologize to but I don't have enough courage to go up to you so I hope this makes up for that.  I'm sorry.