hold tight.

long post with many different thoughts coming up, bear with me here.

overthinking ruins you. it ruins the situation, turns things around, makes you worry, and just make things worse than it actually is. this happens to me all the time. this smart guy told me that it was because i try to think of others before myself. and then end up overthinking because i try to think of many people at the same time, rather than what's good for me. 

i also don't like being "chutohampa" as said in japanese. its like, not complete. or like being in the middle. its like injuries shouldn't be chutohampa. it's either you are injured and cant do shit, or you're not injured and can do everything. chutohampa injuries really bother me. like make up your fucking mind. don't do a part of everything, do everything, or don't do it at all. it goes the same for thoughts and everything that can be associated with our everyday life. but especially injuries. 

a smart guy, who happens to be the best brother in the world, once wrote in my yearbook that even though he worries about me, he knows i can take care of myself. because of the entire incident with whats-his-face. well, i need to apologize to him for having faith in me because i simply am not in any shape or form to take care of myself right now. i haven't been doing a good job of it, and i dont think i can do it. sometimes, i put up walls. i used to say that that wasn't done to keep people out, but to see who cares enough to knock them down. but now i can confidently say that i do this to keep people out. i can't take care of myself. i need you guys. you know who you are. 

things are really hard for me now. people are ignorant. they don't care what others think of the ways they act, or what they do. it gets to me, even though i know i shouldn't let them get to me. 

it drives me insane how we ignore each others presence. in the same room. 

but despite everything that's happening, i had an amazing birthday <3 thanks everyone :) i still do need to peoples wall posts & inboxes but i'll get to the rest of it tomorrow :) 

peace outt!