regret.

i though i'd be feeling a bit more regretful for this but i guess i was wrong.
yesterdays post about not going back, yeah, its true. theres nogoing back, no taking back what i had said. and i had meant to say it in a way that it'd be hurtful to you. it was done on purpose, and some say i did it with perfect accuracy.
but i had expected myself to be more resentful about this.
i thoght i was gonna rush back to my computer and undone what i had done.

and yet, what i had done still remains that way. nothing has changed. and i doubt things will go anywhere from here.

you saw the look on my face yesterday when i passed you in the hallway. you saw the expression on my face change. you saw me die a little inside.

one thing you should know though, and it amazes me, that i didn't shed one single tear for you. and i say this with complete honesty. crying and letting it out was, and still is, my way of forgetting. but that didnt happen with you. because i had managed, somehow, to erase you from my head the moment i did what i did.

i dont get that certain feeling anymore, even when you stand next to me. so why do i look away when i see you? its because the way you glare at me sends chills down my spine. i cant look at you in the eyes. your eyes are filled with.... i dont know what. annoyance, maybe? annoyed at my existance or something? i have no idea.

and if it makes you feel any better, you did leave a mark in my life. i cant touch thrguitar anymore. i just cant play it. and i cant stand to hear that song either. its the only proof i have that states you were a part of my life, however small that part used to be.

i respect you. what you do for the ones you love, its amazing. i'll give you that much.