reflection.

so like, in about three weeks, it would be two years since i started this blog.
there were times when i kept posting photos with no comment of my own so it wasn't really my own blog
but lately, i think i've put a lot of my thoughts into each posts.


the reason why i started this was because i was bored during chinese new year 2010. yes. 
but now this is a place where i can express how i feel inside or what i think about, or just spazz about things.
and i think its really important to have a place like that.


people can judge me based on what i write, but i know that things i write that are insulting or negative is only temporarily. writing that here releases stress and thats why its bearable to be back in this country.
i read back to some of the posts i've written in the past two years and realized that my worded posts were basically posted after i moved back
and that just makes me realize how hard it is for me to be back, to be away from what i'm used to.
but at the same time, i want people to know that i don't hate every minute that i spend here.
i have fun at school, i learned to differentiate the type of friends i have here and there, and although, if you only read what i write in my blog about school and japan, it seems horrible, the truth is, it's actually not that bad.
at first, it was pretty bad. like til december 2010, maybe? but 2011 was way better than i had expected it to be.


now it sounds like im complaining again. but im not. truly. i love going to the theatres & shopping with my friends and just hanging out in general. i love the place i work at and the variety of people i get to work with. i have a goal now, to work towards, and i don't really mind going to school everyday. i like how people aren't attached to each other, or at least people i'm close to, and im glad we can confide in each other. 


i can't take back what i had written. i could delete posts, but if somebody's already seen it, then theres no use deleting it. damage has been done. and by deleting posts, im denying the feelings that i got when certain things happened, and i decided that in 2012, im going to be honest with myself. what i had written are what i felt AT THE TIME, and although i may not think of things as i did before, i sincerely apologize to anybody whose feelings have been hurt by what i had written. or if anyone felt somewhat insulted. even if it wasn't directed at you. and you just thought it  was. i apologize if any of my posts have made anyone, and i do mean anyone, feel bad. i'm sorry. and to be honest, there are people that misunderstood me when we first met, and we act like we dislike each other, but some of the people like that, i really want to be friends with. i hear things from our mutual friends and honestly, you guys dont sound so bad. i know that the fault is with me, for doing whatever it is that made you misunderstand me in the first place, but i would like to start over. again, highly doubt they're reading this, maybe its no use writing it here. but im just saying. 


i plan to put my blog into good use this year. and maybe, sometimes i'll get bored and post bunch of photos but i think this is a good place to work on my writing skills as well as expressing my thoughts & opinions, so that'll be the main purpose of this from now on.