bleh.

i haven't felt like this in a long time. we both know we shouldn't go there, and yet we can't stop wondering what would happen if we did. we think of all the possible happy memories that can come with us being together, and then we start thinking about all the pain that comes with it. and you've been hurt so much in the past half a year and having gone through most of it with you, i know i'm not going to be the one to cause you more pain. only one thing hurts more than watching your loved ones get hurt, and that's knowing you are the one hurting them. and i know that no matter how much pain i have to endure to make sure you aren't hurt, it won't be half as much as what you went through. 

shit 

what am i writing.