conversation.

as my twitter says, talking to you is the only thing keeping me sane.

everything else just adds to my ongoing insanity.

i cannot stand to be around people lately, for i fear they are all out to get me.

i'm constantly afraid that i might say the wrong thing at the wrong time, 

because i keep so many secrets from my close friends now.

it's not like i want to keep secrets; and i don't want to choose between friends.

but i understand why he wouldn't want me to tell my friends what's going on.

and i respect his decision to keep it down on the low 

so i'm not gonna go around telling everyone what's up.

but sometimes it's really hard, keeping this all inside.

but then if i do tell people and he finds out and then we stop talking

what's gonna keep me sane? the answer's quite obvious; nothing.

i'm going to completely lose it like i did in sophomore year.

and that's a place i never want to visit again.

i don't even know why we're still talking, 

whatever was bothering him is now over, 

not just one thing but pretty much everything that was bothering him;

theres no need for us to keep talking.

and lately our conversation strays away from the problems

and we talk about other things and i like that because it's easy

we banter back and forth

without really thinking about what we say

because we both know we can say whatever we want and won't be judged

and i think that's partially why i'm so attached to this;

because i know i won't be judged.

we're past that.

he shows me his weakness, his vulnerability, and i show him mine.

and with each weakness, i realise i'm not the only one hurting

it's not love, we are most definitely not in love

meh i have mixed feelings about this.