jumbled thoughts.

i have a feeling our relationship is quite complicated.
we're not just acquaintances anymore, that much, i know.
but we're not exactly best friends.
i know who your best friends are, and you know who mine supposedly are.
and yet i find myself opening up to you,
probably more than i do to my best friend.
and you've admitted you don't talk to other people like you do with me.
the content, the depth, of what we talk about exceeds what we talk to other people about.
and i can't deny the fact that i'm afraid of your betrayal
because you apparently have betrayed a friend before
and so have i, so i guess the feeling is mutual.

anyways, i can't deny the fact that i feel safe talking to you
and i like how we talk seriously for a while
and then somewhere along our talk, the content changes
and we begin talking about random stuff
and that's okay with me because its fun.
and i can feel myself calming down once i talk to you
doesn't matter if we talk about whatever it is that's bothering me
or just about what happened at school
or just things in general, i can just... calm down.

i just don't know what im gonna do once i leave
or when you begin school and become all busy
and shit. i can feel myself losing it.

see, this is the problem with trusting someone.
or trusting one person with all my secrets.
but i have a good feeling about this.
or i barely ever find myself trusting someone as much as i do right now
so i feel like this could actually work.

of course, its tough staying up late at night
staring at my phone in my bed trying not to let my parents know that im not asleep
and thinking about things quite deeply whilst fighting with my sleepiness,
but the amount of trust we have in each other overwhelms me
and i do really think its worth all of this.

okay, so we'll just settle at being... each others therapist. or something of that sort.