things are never what it looks like.

so here's the thing. 

i like you too much. i cant watch you hurt yourself because of me. or like i cant just stand there and pretend like im okay with the fact that us being together is hurting our frienship, and both of us, at the same time. 

i like you. and i want to be with you. but at the same time, if me being with you is gonna ruin our friendship, if us being together is gonna cost me losing you as a friend, i cant have that. there are certain people that i dont really give a shit about if thye leave my life. but unfortunately, you are not one of them. i'd seriously DIE if you leave my life, trust me, i've been there. and i dont wanna do that again. everytime im with you, you get that look on your face, like...well... mainly pain. like you dont wanna do it anymore. but it also shows that you were trying to work this out because. well, i dont know why.  and you've probably seen me when im around you, like how im not myself and stuff, and that's whats hurting you probably, because you kinda sense that i cant be myself around you. and thats not what real relationships are supposed to be like. we're supposed to be ourselves around each other. i know its too sudden, and nobody saw it coming. and i might be being a little selfish here, but i wanted to end our awkward relationship so it doesnt ruin our FRIENDSHIP. because, to me, you are a friend, before anything else. and it hurts to lose a friend. and i don't wanna go there again. like before, we both thought it might work out like how we were pretty close friends and we started going out and had problems but we talked it out and we thought we were gonna be fine when we broke up but that was just me, and we werent okay after our awkward breakup and i lost the other person.  and you know how much that hurt me and i dont wanna go there with you.  i know, like, im only caring about me getting hurt, like right now but im pretty sure, like, if we keep this up, one of us would get hurt. and i can deal with myself getting hurt but i cant watch you hurt yourself. over me. or about me hurting you.  

i dont know what im trying to say. all i know, is that i let you go because i didn't want to hurt you. thats all.