leaving.

I was sitting in a room at the Sheraton hotel, where I spent my last two days in Taiwan. I personally thought it was a little sad, how I didn’t get to be “at home” before I left. and my daddy came home drunk. it was kinda hilarious to watch, actually. but right now, that doesn’t really matter. because I am, just now, realizing how big of a change this is going to be, for me.

It hit me that I wasn’t gonna be there to witness, or be a part of, what used to be our daily routine; tove’s blond moments, derrick’s uniqueness, peyton’s kindness, buii’s obsession with soccer, creager’s constant laughter, brian’s creepiness, eric’s nerdiness, berlin’s cuteness, iansilverstein’s quietness, andrew’s whinning, william’s chilledness, rebecca and jacqueline’s butt slapping, alex, johnlee and jonchen’s constant swearing, viktor’s bathroom breaks, LP’s constant yelling, justin’s cramps, turkey’s childishness, mally’s coolness, chopstick’s weirdness or jake’s shpeshalness.

all of what used to be a part of my life, isn’t gonna be a part of it anymore.

it’s supposed to be a “new start”, this moving business. and my parents expect me to be “strong” and be able to deal with it on my own. being away from friends & my dad, things are gonna be so different back in japan. im not that strong. I keep telling myself to be strong, to not shed a tear, because I’ll be okay. but the truth is, I’m scared shitless every day, this… not-knowing-whats-going-to-happen thing. I’m not used to it, I spent 5 years in Taipei, the most important 5 years in my life, in my opinion, and I’m not ready to leave that all behind.

 

this. is. the. hardest. good.bye. ever.