dear skittles & fish

this post, is dedicated to the two people who have completely changed my life.

dear skittles.

you added colours to my life, something that used to be in monotone. and I can’t thank you enough for making me realize who I am, who I wanted to be with, and what I truly wanted. until I met you, I was a puppet. not the puppeteer, I was the puppet. people controlled my life and you taught me how to stand up for myself. yes, I eventually began to stand up for myself, against you, which hurt me more than anything, but you taught me how important it was to be on my own. and I hope you understand why I needed to break away from you. but I also want you to know that I stood up against my own friends, just to be with you. I know this might sound like im making up excuses for hurting you, but I want you to know that all the amazing moments we spent together, was the result of me doing what you told me to do, and that you teaching me those things weren’t a waste of time or energy.

 I am truly sorry that we didn’t have time to discuss any of this, because you had to leave, and I am sorry that I didn’t talk to you about it afterwards either, and that I left it until now.

I know we had our ups and downs, and we “ended with a down and still haven’t come back up yet” as you once said, but I have to admit, that every moment I spent with you was quite interesting. and I learned a lot from you. and I thank you for that. you are the reason why im who I am right now, why my friends are who they are, and why we are what we are.

when I heard that you were visiting, I was hoping you’d come early enough so that I’ll still be in Taiwan. but no, you just have to come after I leave. I wanted to see you. and tell you all of this myself. but that’s not gonna happen, so im just gonna post it on my blog.

I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for me, and I’m sorry. I know sorry doesn’t change anything. but I want you to know that I am, truly, sorry.

dear fish

I love you. I’m not even kidding. I know I toss that phrase around like “hello” or “good morning” but honestly, I love you. and I’m sorry I just gave up like that *snaps fingers* ­i know nothing good ever came out of giving up, and you have no idea how much I wish I could fix things. but you’ve left, and  im leaving, its all too late.

I’ve known you for quite a while now. actually, I’ve known you the longest out of all my friends, along with two other people. and to me, you’re that one person that I can trust with my life. and I honestly don’t know what im gonna do without you. I know, I know, totally cliché.

everything we did together, everything we talked about, laughed at, all of that, has helped me get through the toughest times and I’m more than lucky to have a friend like you.

you’re different. I have, honestly, never met anyone like you. but it was a good different, not creepy weird different. and I got used to, and came to enjoy, your uniqueness. things I used to think were strange, are now normal. it’s funny how much being around a certain person changes your perspective on things.

­­I regret the fact that I didn’t have the chance to tell you all of this myself, and I also wish I was strong enough to keep trying. thank you. for everything.

I love you.