the little things and the big things.

the past month, with the class theatre production and school festival preparation, was chaotic. on top of that, i had to work on my college apps and study for the SATs, not to mention the research and powerpoint for the human rights week project.
there were days i just wanted to quit all the things i was doing, especially the play. i took up jobs that people were unwilling to do, even though it wasn't what i was originally assigned to do. and i know some people didn't like me in charge and i heard from others what they thought of me and it was tough. i felt like i didn't belong there, but since i took the job, i couldn't simply quit, just because i felt uncomfortable. that would've been way too selfish.
i struggled, i cried, i pondered, i lost sleep over thinking about it and doing what i had to do.

then came the day for the actual performance. i was up in the SE control room, and i was nervous. i was nervous about how i would do, because if the sound effects screw up, the actors and actresses might be affected as well. i was nervous about how everyone would do, how the set change is gonna go, whether everyone managed to remember their lines and the little things they had to remember.

but all that worry went away as soon as the performance started. everyone seemed to be having fun on stage and the sound/lighting went well, according to the audience. the only two things i regret are the song for the dance was a bit messy at the beginning, and the last song couldn't be heard on stage. but more than that, i was overwhelmed by the very fact that we'd done it. we'd managed to present the play at its finest, in front of a huge audience.

then came yesterday, the result day. as each class had their actors/actresses/directors called for costumes, sub-cast, and main cast award, again, i became more and more nervous. our class hasn't been called to anything and the last two awards left were the best main actress award and the most outstanding performance award.

tears of joy came as soon as our lead actress was called on stage for the main actress award. then silence. we were all waiting for the most outstanding performance award.
again, i began crying as our class was addressed, by the principal, as the best performance.
i couldn't stop crying for hours after that. all the hard work, all the annoyance and irritation paid off and i had actually managed to do something right for once.

i know we wouldn't have been able to do it without each and every one of us working together. i won't deny that many of us became frustrated and arguments sparked up amongst ourselves but i truly believe that we wouldn't have gotten the award without those disputes. it didn't feel good to have people behind my back an it certainly felt wrong complaining about the preparation process but in the end, the result was more than what we had hoped for.

i want to apologise and thank everyone who was involved with this production, the entire 3E class, and to the leaders who took the initiative to make the play happen. apologies for all the days i went too far, and words of appreciation for all the days spent on the production, because this is definitely one of the best moment of my high school years, and it is truly unforgettable. thank you all for the wonderful experience :)

instructions.

seriously, whatever i asked you to do wasn't that hard. i realised you were going to need more than just a simple explanation so i wrote so much, in precise detail so that you'd understand. and look where you are, you haven't done a shit i asked you to, and i even told you you could call me if you didnt understand because i can sneak out of practice for a while to help.
you didn't call, you didn't even read the message. it wasn't suggestions that i wrote in the message, those were the fucking instructions that you were supposed to follow.
no way in hell would i ask four underclassmen to stay after school to simply look over the slides. i know how busy they are, i had them
get together to do more research to make the power point complete.
i dont have the time to do this, i have so much else to do. i expected you to understand better.

recap.

please allow me to express my restlessness.

there's the usual homework load, like 2 essays, 3 books to read, 10 chapters worth of summary, vocab and kanji stuff.

then the school festival play stuff, it's only two weeks away and our play isn't looking so sharp yet so i get home at 8 every night because of the extended play practice after school. and i guess it wouldn't hurt for everyone to turn their energy level up a notch...

then there's the dreaded college application + the supplements & all the essays and short answers that need to be written. or rather, needs to be written and revised multiple times by a trustable adult.

and let's not forget the human rights stuff, with my group being so uncooperative, im the only one doing work for the most part. seriously though, while human rights is important, it's not much so when compared to the importance of college apps.

then theres work on saturdays, and although im not complaining about my job situation -for i couldn't have asked for a better job that fit my needs- it's still tough when my saturday is dedicated entirely on saturday school.

i know i signed up for the job and i decided on going abroad for school, and i also realise that i need to take responsibility for my choices but sometimes it gets hard.

i don't usually complain about my busy-ness, but this time, it's getting too much.

headache.

okay, mysterious massive headache.
left side, directly above the ear,
every 10seconds someone is beating that spot with a hammer.
my face kind of twitches with each 'beating', and most importantly, it hurts!

two more days of school, saturday school and off sunday!
NEED.TO.WORK.ON.COLLEGE.APPS.

the water is my sky.

"I always wanted to be Peter Pan, the boy who never grows up. I can't fly, but swimming is the next best thing. It's harmony and balance. The water is my sky."--Clayton Jones.

i've decided im not going to grow up. and the water already is my sky. i'm not even going to want to fly, because im scared of heights. so swimming automatically becomes the best thing for me. it is harmony and balance, and it is as though chlorine has become my own brand of heroine. 

shifting back to the routine.

okay, back to blogging!

so. summer 2012 reflection!

first few days, SAT courses.
the next four weeks, JFK every weekday :) it's only my second year, though it feels like i've known everyone much longer! the good thing about the swimming department is that because we spend so much time in the swimming pool and the area around there, we get to know each other so well. the downside? well, the pool's always hot and humid, it's pretty much impossible to be wearing normal clothes.
in-between nights, meeting up with some old friends, going out, shopping, the usual :) it's nice to know that, despite not seeing each other for 2 and a half years, things aren't awkward. and that we can talk for 2 hrs nonstop and not run out of things to talk about.
wakayama, big reunion with family friends, pretty much a big family.
BBQ at mick's place with the swimming department! one last get together before we go our separate ways.
thailand for 10 days, 6 days spent in the beautiful resort of hua hin, and 4 in bangkok, shopping! insane tanning + magnificent food + great music + lots of reading!
sleepover with the best friends, 24hrs of talking about everything :)

okay, that's my summer :)
if theres one thing i regret, its not working on my college apps enough :(

now, cultural festival, human rights week, mid terms, college app deadline, finals, college acceptance letters (hopefully), winter break, graduation!

will be back for more blogging tomorrow!

the difference between you and i is that you have the ability to ignore what others say, i just have the ability to lash out.

you and i should just get away for a while

so i can have you all to myself.