no lies, nothing but the truth.

the story of my last kiss;

it was one of those kisses where we both pretended to be drunk and had no recollection of the kiss afterwards, when, in fact, we were as sober as anyone can ever be. to this day, we both pretend like it didnt happen.

one of my obsessions;

superheroes. their ability to put themselves at grave peril simply to save the lives of the others fascinates me. some think that, because they tore up buildings and destroy most of an entire city in the act of fighting the bad guys, their actions cannot be fully celebrated or honoured. but buildings and cities can be rebuilt, despite it taking time. human lives cannot be rebuilt. you can move to a different city where as human lives an never be replaced.

what was going on in my life one year ago;

i was struggling. i felt like i didnt belong in the society i live in and i was fighting for a place in it. desperately. it won't be for another few months before i learn to stop fighting and let nature take its course.

one of my insecurities;

low self confidence. more specifically, with my looks. i lose and gain weight fairly easily and my face betrays me by telling the world about my weight fluctuation.

my childhood career choice;

the same as it is now. a teacher. before it was because i didn't know what else i wanted to be. now it's because of the facial expression of the students when they do something for the first time, something they hadnt been able to do before.

how many people i've slept with;

### all were important, no one night stands or drunk sex or rebound sex or revenge sex. i feel like im stating the obvious but it's highly uncommon in japan.

whether i support gay marriage and why;

yes i do support gay marriage. because if two people love each other, then we shouldnt stop them from being happy together. some people never have anyone to love them and spend their entire life not loved by anyone. but men or women, if someone loves you and you love them back, then theres no point in you two being apart.

the weirdest sexual encounter i've had;

this is gonna be brief.... when guy at a club stripped and started masturbating in middle of the dance floor, with about 60+ strangers watching them.

why what i do matters;

because it builds my identity. i am not myself without all the things i do. 

what i would name a daughter;

lily. or ginnie. i was thinking hermione, but that doesn't go well with the subtlety. i'd name my daughter after my favourite characters. something not too absurd though. so lily or ginnie. in the hope that my daughter becomes an intelligent, independent, strong and brave woman that lily/ginnie are.

ten things on my bucket list;

1. go to the united arab emirates. dubai + abu dhabi.

2. spend the night in a field, gazing up at the stars.

3. egypt

4. south africa and central africa safaris.

5. swim with wild dolphins.

6. surfing and body boarding.

7. ship cruise.

8. trip around the world.

9. aurora.

10. dye my hair blonde. or just bleach my hair.

one of my bad habits;

overthink a situation. it's been like this since middle school. i always overthink and come up with answers that throws me off even more. and then i fall into one of my ever-lasting negativity spiral.

the oldest person i've slept with;

is someone who changed my life. i wouldnt have had enough courage to pursue my dream, had he not convinced me to do so. for me, it wasn't so much about the sex itself. it was more about the mental support and knowing he actually cared about what i thought. 

where i want to be right now;

im actually okay with where i am now, literally and figuratively. literally, im laying in bed, with my blankie and cuddle buddies. figuratively, it took me so long to get to where i am now, im sort of afraid for it to change. 

my ideal next ten years;

four years of university, two of graduate school, one preparation year and then teaching at a school. perfect plan. i will be in dubai in 10 years. hopefully.

quality over quantity.

let's write about the things i can't say in person. 

1. quality over quantity. that's the first rule in making friends. it's not the number of friends you have, it's the quality of the friends. you can have 1000 friends and they could all turn out to be fake people trying to get you. honestly, you just need a few who would be there for you no matter what. now, popularity is a different matter. because a lot of people could know you and recognize you and talk about you and pay attention to you, which implies that you're somewhat popular, but that doesn't mean you have a lot of friends. 

2. as much as i respect you and your decision, i kind of feel bad about this whole thing. because i know the amount of affection you have towards her, and i also know, as well as you do yourself, that your feelings aren't going to be reciprocated. it's not you, it's her. i know that's a cliche you hear quite often, but it's true. and i know i can never be her replacement and i don't want to be, despite what everyone else says. they know nothing about what goes on between us, and they spread rumours based on stupid assumptions that are always far from the truth. no, i haven't fallen for you. no, i'm not pretending to care about you so you would fall for me. no, i don't want to be with you. somehow, within the past few months, you have become one of my close friends, one of the people i trust and can talk to. that's all there is to this. and you know i'm always here for you, no matter what time of the day or what day of the week it is. 

Since the beginning of 2012...

Cross off what you’ve done: 

*so i've crossed off many off the list, and i don't know if that's good or bad. but it's enough to say that i've been through quite a lot in the past year. but honestly, no regrets.*

Gotten a new piercing.
Dyed my hair.
Ended a relationship.
Started a new relationship.
Been on a long car/bus journey.
Passed an exam.
Met someone who’s now an important part of my life.
Cried on someone’s shoulder.
Had a massive fight with a boy/girl .
Received flowers.
Had a Valentine.
Written a letter using pen & paper.
Gone to see a therapist
Been prescribed medication by a doctor.
Read a really good book.
Gone to the zoo.
Spent too much money on unnecessary things.
Traveled by train.
Cried over a member of the opposite sex.
Spent the day out in the sun getting a tan
Slammed a door out of frustration.
Had an anxiety attack.
Babysat for a friend’s child.
Had a BBQ
Gone to the fair.
Gone bowling.
Seen a film at the cinema in 3D.
Gone on a date.
Been the only sober one on a night out.
Helped someone home after they had been drinking.
Stayed up all night.
Talked on the phone for over two hours.
Supported someone who’d received bad news.
Watched some kind of live sporting event.
Read an entire book in one day.
Bought a DVD the day it was released.
Eaten McDonald’s more than four times in a single week.
Cried as a result of exam stress.
Met some incredible new people.
Gone to great parties.
Fallen backwards off a chair.
Broken my glasses.
Worn a watch for the first time in years.
Cried over someone in my past.
Spent hours aimlessly browsing the internet.
Thrown up.
Cried over a film.
Gone out of my way to avoid an ex-boy/girlfriend.
Fought with someone in public.
Been in a relationship for a year or longer.
Cried in front of someone I adore.
Lost one of my closest friends.