things are never what it looks like.: July 2013

Monday, July 15, 2013

friends.

these people.

when i first met them, i didn't think they would be this important to me. i knew we were going to be friends but not this close.

they were the type of friends who didn't nee to be around each other all the time, friends who stepped inside my personal bubble without making me feel uncomfortable.

everything's so easy with them. i don't have to pretend to be anything, i don't have to worry about trying to be accepted, to meet their expectations.

we take nice photos like the one above, but mostly we're like this;

i used to think things are going to be so tough without them. but now i know, no matter the distance, they'll always be here for me. saying good-bye will be hard, but then again, it's not like i'm never gonna see them ever again.

horray for eternal friendship. and i am beyond blessed to have met them in high school.

Saturday, July 06, 2013

thinking.

im not entirely sure where we're going with this. the topic has been brought up, or we've both hinted it more than once, and each time, it feels like we're waiting for the other to make a move. but because we expect the other to take initiative, nothing happens, and that might actually be for the best.

no matter how confident we are that we'll somehow make it work, there's always that small chance things could go wrong. we've both lost important people in our lives and are unwilling to go through it all again, especially without each other. in short, we're too good of a friend to lose in a relationship.

i know that if we do eventually decide to give it a go, it's just going to be pretty much the same as what it is now. and that realisation is another thing that stops us from taking a step forward; if things arenmt going to change dramatically, then why should we risk everything we have on each other?

it's a tough decision, and taking in account for the fact that i'll be leaving in less than 2 months, it just doesn't seem worth the risk.

and that pretty much sums up what i was thinking yesterday. i've never actually given it much thought but somehow you got in my head yesterday, pestering me with your humorous and yet somewhat negative comments.

and there was a moment when something sparked between us, but we were so quick to ignore it, pretending like it didn't happen. and thats when i knew you felt the same way. we're too important to each other to lose in a relationship that doesn't necessarily need to happen.

routine.

they say old habits die hard. and it really is true.

8 months ago, we started talking.

7 months ago, it became a daily routine. we began losing sleep over our long conversations.

6 months ago, the need to have the conversation disappeared. but our relationship didnt change.

5 month ago, we didnt see each other at all. but we knew what the other did pretty much everyday.

4 months ago, we got back on track.

3 monthd ago, we stopped talking as much.

2 months ago, our conversation became more and more succinct.

1 month ago, we eventually began to get the sleep we needed.

and there could've only been one ending to this, which was that we'll stop talking altogether.

but today proves how old habits die hard. we began talking, realised how much we needed each other. talking to each other has automatically become a significant part of our daily lives, that we couldnt bear to see it disappear.

so we got back on track.

and it's gonna go on like this for however long it take for us to figure out where we want to go with this.

Wednesday, July 03, 2013

updated schedule for July :D

Schedule for July!

7/2 dinner with hikaru+kano

7/3 off to Tokyo

7/4 dinner with nana, riki + chihiro

7/5 michelle + johanna

7/6 Harry Potter exhibition

7/7 elementary school reunion

7/9 waseda visit!

7/10 yoshino family

7/11 lunch with yuka-chan

7/12 lunch with nana + her friend

7/14 dinner with the rugby families

7/16 back to Osaka

7/17 pool date with tabushi

7/18 sleepover with the girls

7/19 ↑

7/20 JFK orientation

7/22 JFK session 1 begins

7/22-26 JFK session 1 week 1

7/25 dinner with rena

7/27 grandpa's ceremony

family friends reunion

7/29 JFK session 1 week 2 begins.

7/30 dinner with nana

Tuesday, July 02, 2013

July.

hello July.

Things are going to be hectic this month.

Flying to Tokyo tomorrow, two weeks with my dad & friends.

Meeting up with friends I haven't seen since grade 5, when I still lived in Yokohama. I don't know how that's going to work but I'm sure it will be fun as we've all matured over the past 8 years. I most definitely don't want to walk down the memory lane with them since there really aren't a lot of happy memoies but that's inevitable for people meeting for the first time in 8 years.

Also, it'd probably be the last time I'd see my friends who are in Tokyo before leaving for the States. Which means itms time for me to begin saying good-bye to the people I love.

I've got two months left in Japan and as the Augut 24th gets closer an closer, it means more and more good-byes. I didin't think saying good-bye would be this hard. And I most certainly didn't think leaving this country would be this heartbreaking, seeing as this was what I've always wanted from the day I landed in Japan in 2010.

I can't deny the fact that I'm excited to go to BU. It's a great school with many great opportunities that can get me one step closer to my dream. But there are things that I'm worried about, things I don't really understand... which I'm hoping will work out once I get there.

Okay, enough rambling.