ホスト

右から:

チャペル先輩、あやこ、仙人君、隼人先輩、佳奈

留学生のホスト、頑張ってやってまーす！

仙人君、今日ユニバで留学生見失ったらしいし・・・

隼人先輩のところのアレクシーは京田辺中学校で竹刀をもらってきて振り回してたし。

まぁあと１週間、頑張りまーす！

hi there.

i like talking to you.
its fun.
we don't really talk about anything
but its still fun.


we really should talk in person.

今自分のブログの内容だぁーっ見てみたら、どーも英語＋日本語で書かれてる物が多いみたい :O
どっちかにせな、分かりにくいってクレームきたし…頑張ってどっちかにしてみまーす。

って事で、これは見ての通り日本語オンリーでしたぁ:)

pain.

今学校から帰ってまーす！お腹空いたし、頭痛い :O
まぁそれも全部膝と関係してるっていうのが、my guess です。笑

i realized that my knees are gonna start hurting more as it gets colder. and i didnt know that back in taiwan because ht never got this cold back there.

That means my knee supporter and icing pack is gonna make my daily necessaties list, and my heels and shorts are going into the back of my closet. how fabulous. but im not gonna be able to do that for at least two weeks cause my room currently is being occupied by the exchange student.

but i do need to remember to take my supporter to school everyday, especially if i have gym or club after school.
and i need to ice my knees often and soak it in hot water, too.

and i gotta stop wearing heels, stop running down hills and stop using the staircase. eh, whatever.

あと、最近分かった事は、膝の痛みって、佳奈のストレスにも関係してるみたい…ほんまにどーでもいいし、そんなん。だから、今週、来週はかなり限界に近いほど痛むやろーなっ :( でも、今日は×××とまともに話したから、結構ストレス発散になったかも。its funny how one person can make me feel better like this.

cold.

i gotta wait until 5 ish today at school
but its really cold
and i dont really want to wait


and its really cold now
im freezing my butt off.
:(
and its still the middle of october, imagine how cold its gonna be in december
or even in january.

so not looking forward to the winter.

today was....

today wasn't good.

it wasn't good at all.

it was cold.

which made my knees hurt even more.

sakura & i talked about names:::

the truth

USJ

going to USJ tmrw
with victoria, yishen & eri!
cant wait
cant wait
cant wait
cant wait
cant wait
:)

we're smiling but we're close to tears

first of all, let me just clarify that this blog is not written for anyone. it's for myself. this, this only, is the place I can write whatever I want and people won't judge me by what I write. because this is, again, for myself.

so. these couple of weeks have been pretty rough for me. literally.

on top of having to study for my first mid terms ever, I also had to clean up my room and whatnot for the exchange student that’s coming tomorrow. I also found out things that I was better off not knowing, and I had to witness things that I was better off not seeing in person.

so last Tuesday was the whole soccer thing. and im waaaay over that now, but I did drag that on until this monday, and the amount of stress it brought me throughout that week was just… too much. 

then Friday was the TOEFL test and that was just too tiring. 'cause it was really long and the hearing was fucking retarded and whatnot.

and then I spent the entire weekend studying for exams that I didn't really want to study for.

Monday was a normal school day. and nothing good happened but I was still unstable.

Tuesday, ethics exam. 'nuff said.

Wednesday, math & japanese. math wasn’t so bad. no comment on japanese though.

Thursday, science & economy. eh.

then off to AlPlaza + Karaoke with yui, mizuki & sakura. and I had fun :)

and then no test today. and I thought everything was fine 'cause I let it all out the day before and I went swimming and I was feeling good in the morning from IT'S HOW! but then someone told me something that I could've lived without knowing, and then all the stress that's been building up inside of me came crumbling down and I started crying in the hallway and then I got this weird stare from people that I saw afterwards and whatnot.

but starting tomorrow, im gonna have this exchange student at my house for 2 weeks. and she seems pretty chilled so im hoping for some relaxation time while she's here, going shopping + movie marathon hopefully :)

on a separate note:

I apologize to anyone who's read my blog and thought I had written about them. maybe I did, maybe I didn't. I don't know which posts you're referring to so I can't say for sure.  but I am truly sorry if what I'd written had made you feel bad. there is one person in particular that I need to apologize to but I don't have enough courage to go up to you so I hope this makes up for that.  I'm sorry. 

中間テスト最終日

今日は中間テスト最終日って事で高１編入女子四人でカラオケ行ってきまーす！
四人でカラオケ初めてー:)みずきとサクラが佳奈＆結衣のノリに着いてこれるかどうかはまた謎やけど…まぁなんとかなるやろーってのが佳奈達の考え方 :P

ではではgonna go bullshit my way through 政経＆理科系のテスト :)

吹っ切れたぁ :)

なんか気持ち吹っ切れたかも:)
昨日と今日の間に、佳奈の中で何が起こったか分からんけど…吹っ切れた事は確か。

昨日とかは、なんか fml な気分やってんけど、台湾におる親友と話合って、よく考えたら、いつまでも引きずってるのは unhealthyって事が判明して…そこから、一時間弱泣いたら吹っ切れた =)
って吹っ切れたら、それはそれでめっちゃ楽であって、結構今の自分+気持ちなら大丈夫かも:)


いろいろめんどくさい事あるけど、i will survive.

mixi

mixi始めましたぁ！lmao
学校でfacebookがブロックされてるけど、mixiは大丈夫やし。
別に何に使う訳でもなく、ただ単にアカウント持ってます・・・みたいな :P

写真はすべてfacebookかブログに載せるし・・
たまには日記書くようにしまーす！
多分このブログの内容と同じやつを載せると思いまーす！
笑


テスト期間中やのに、一週間前からめっちゃテンション低い・・　（＞＿＜）
勉強も集中できひんし。
いろいろ謎な行動とる人多いし・・・笑

aiiiteee gotta to study!

a week.

aiite
its been a week since i found out that thing that i was better off not knowing. and yet, i haven't gotten over it yet. because, to tell the truth, its kinda hard to ignore them what with them being in the same classroom as me and whatnot. i now realize that i had fallen for him harder than i thought i did. but i will survive. i have amazing friends who'd just sit there with me and listen to me spazz out.

i gotta start doing some last minute cramming for my mid terms.

peace out.

:D

roses are red.
violets are blue....




fuck you whore :) 

truth

人間にはリセットするスイッチなんてない。人間には誰にもわかってもらえないことがある。だったら知らないふりをするのがいい.

dont. fucking. take. it. out. on. me.

i didnt do anything to you.

im not that strong.

I don't cry in public.
But that doesn't mean that im strong. I do spend sleepless nights crying my eyes out about things.


I seem okay at school.
But that doesn't mean that im strong. I just don't want random people asking me what happened.

I smile and laugh a lot.
But that doesn't mean that im strong. It just means that I know there are some people that'll see my true emotions underneath that smile.

I listen to other peoples problems.
But that doesn't mean that im strong. I just have the ability to use my experience to help others.



Because
I do space out, thinking about all the things that's in my head.
I also do spend a lot of time obsessing over something small.
I listen to songs that make me feel worse but better.
I sometimes break down because I get tired of pretending like im okay.



It hurts a lot when people ask me if im okay, and I can't tell them anything because its partially their fault that im not okay in the first place.
It bothers me when people roll their eyes at me just because I was spacing out, trying to figure things out.


Maybe, just maybe, I need someone to be there for me at times like this. And yui, mizuki, sakura & hikaru have been doing that for the past three days. Thanks guys, for putting up with my ups & downs.

princess

i will be fine. it might take some time, but i will be fine.

on another note:
女子の間でケンカなんかしてないで is plain bullshit, and so is 彼女を応援する〜！ you know the part of the reason why shes 悩んでる is because of you and how you are such a タラシ.
and you also can sense that we are kinda pissed off at you, ever since the シカト星人 incident. seriously, you've got four guys on your mind right now. whatthefuck.
こんなに友達思いじゃないなんて思わんかったぁ :O

and now you're saying you're gonna help. well. that better be fucking true cause if you hurt one of us again, we all will fucking キレる at you.

i was wrong

i thought it'd be better today. because i surviued the night. but the truth is that it doesnt matter if i got through the night. its how i feel when i see him in the morning.

fuck this.

bad timing

today just wasnt one of my days.

immature

it really amazes me how immature people are here.
constant teasing, not leaving people alone, invading their personal space. rumours spreading around like a drop of water on paper. everyone talking about the same thing every break and not letting it go.

i thought we were immature back in taiwan, cause we'd do stupid things repeatedly, but thats considered mature compare to what goes on here.

or maybe all japanese community are like this. and this is no different from the typical japanese high school.
and i just find it odd cause im not used to this, cuz im still new in terms of being brainwashed and being japanese.

今日は・・・

今日はマジでムリかもっ.  朝からこんな事find outしたら、１日テンション下がるし,  周りでその事について騒いでるのもマジでうるさいし.

three day weekend〓

daddy came back last night〓

we went to go watch knight and day this morning, and had some delicious frozen yoghurt, and then went shopping around Umeda〓

tmrw, we are going to kobe to get these converse boots that i found a few weeks back:) its purple zipup boots and its ahdorable〓
then we're gonna go look at model houses, and then to my grandmas house.

we probs arent doing anything on monday, so we'll bake or sth, and then my dads going back〓

aiite, logging off for the night〓text it: kanako.tastigers@softbank.ne.jp

i give up.

i give up on

trying to fit in here

finding a boyfriend here

getting people to understand me

getting good grades

competitively swimming again

getting along with the captain

going to a good college

trying to be happy

not having any drama 

stopping him from fucking staring

stopping them from fucking talking about us

stopping everyone from treating us as transfer students anymore

getting good scores for the TOEFL test thats coming up

studying for mid terms

trying to make her understand what an ASB she is

trying to text less

understanding people here and their actions

trying to make the people in taiwan understand

trying to figure out if i really wanna go back in december

i give up on everything. life is unfair, theres no point in trying. 

努力は報われる is plain bullshit.

It might help if...

I dont really care what u say about me but it'd help a lot if u actually said it to my face, instead of behind my back.


thats all.

al;skj fasl;d:fj :asdf

i miss swim training and the swimmers and the locker room and how we all liked what we were doing.


what we do now, no one likes. we run, not swim, although we are on the swim team. we might as well be called the xcountry club.

i miss tigersharks and the varsity season. i miss our hardcore training because we dont do shit here. and i, most of all, miss the feel of chrolinated water around me because i havent been in the water in a month.

now, those of you who kne me back in taiwan would find it hard to believe that i havent swam in so long. but its true. all ive done is land work and running, which leaves my knee in a horrible condition.


i wanna join a legit swimteam.

im a mess.

i try to give you the best of me that i do know, but it's really hard. i try to be there for you, but i get really scared. i try not to yell back at you just to not lose my temper, but i've lost that strength. i have a lot of things i should tell you, but i'll never know what to say. i want a lot, as you know, but i'm not sure what exactly it is i want. i say some things that don't come out the way they are in my head and that never ends up right, i'm sorry. i need to chose my words more wisely and i need to stop speaking before i think. i'm sorry i'm a mess, i really am.

大切な事 - dear erina

自分の気持ちを伝えるのってめっちゃ大事な事やでー

諦めるのは自分にとっても、相手にとってもアカン事かもしれへんし・・・

もしかしたらチャンスはあるかもしれんから

絶対はっきり相手の気持ちがわかるまで諦めたらアカンでー

諦めた時点で、前からあったかもしれん可能性もゼロになるし

結局後悔するのは自分やし・・・

ってこんなこと言いながら佳奈がサッカーの事、諦めてたりしてるから

あんまり説得力ないけど・・・

エリナには幸せになってほしいし

自分の気持ちを伝えずに後で後悔してほしくないからぁ・・・

そこは、他の人の事考えずにちょっとくらい自分優先で行動していいと思うで。

何があっても佳奈はエリナの見方やし

いろいろ相談のるし、出来る限りアドバイスとかするから

エリナは幸せになってなぁ～

i love you babe <3